random thoughts from the weekend

assalaamu alaikum

and i mean random:

it was a tiring camp. but a good tiring. a "cleanse the soul with mud, rain, sweat, basketball, and lack of sleep" tiring. there were times when we had the choice to go back to our cabins and sleep for 2 hours, but each time, we ended up playing basketball, either in the dead heat, or the rain.

we also played square of death. in the process of tackling somebody, my finger got cut somehow. now i'm not usually somebody who cares about getting cut up, cuz usually i just leave them and don't even think about washing them up, much less putting a bandaid on em. but this cut HURT man, and it was on an area where it wouldn't close up and the blood wasn't clotting. i guess cuz my finger kept opening it up every time it moved. so i'm trying hard to bear the pain while still playing. next play, i almost get rocked and the dude rips like a whole layer off of my shirt. aH ala thalik. i used the strip of cloth to wrap up my finger and the cut, n keep the dirt out and stuff, and kept on playing. i felt like i was in the movies, getting stabbed and tearing off a piece of his shirt to wrap the wound. on a smaller scale of course. but still. oh yeah. :coolguy:

one of the things that hit me in one of the talks and i mentioned later on during the closing reflections session was how each and every one of us has been chosen to be muslims. and every time we pray, we were chosen for that prayer, and seperated from the millions of people who do not know what prayer is. when we wake up for fajr, we've been chosen while so many people are still sleeping. when we decide to do dhikr or read quran, so many other people are completely neglectful. there is so much to be thankful for, and so much to work on.

Allah swt has a plan for each and every one of us. every single situation we are put in, we have been placed there for a reason. everybody we meet, say salaams to, just make eye contact with has been placed there at that certain time for a reason, maybe as a test for us, or us a test for them, or maybe as an oppurtunity for us to make a potential lasting impression. just one smile can do so much. and i know this because there were people at that camp that made lasting impressions on me without them even knowing. just by doing something as simple as smiling.

during one of the talks, the question was raised as to how many people have a regular halaqah they attend. a lot of people raised their hand. i wasn't one of them. so i need a halaqah.

didn't i say this was gonna be random?

the best thing about these camps is the brotherhood thats built. [i just decided to erase some of the entry just cuz...]

what hit me the hardest during those 3 days was on the last day, when we sat in a circle and after each of us shared our reflections about the camp, the brother who went last said that he hopes that he can be with these same brothers under Allah's shade on the day when there is no shade but his. and i began to picture myself on that day, so utterly terrified and confused, only to find solace in the shining faces of these brothers that were here with me in this circle so close, smiling. words can't begin to describe the humbling feeling of being with such good people, and having them make duah for the group, which happened to include me at the time.

so we wrote letters to ourselves that were gonna be sent to us in a years time. first thing i wrote was, hey, you might be dead by the time this things comes back to you. we were supposed to give ourselves advice, but i ended up writing about the state of mind i was in at the time, what plans and goals i had made coming out from the camp, and overall, the things that have been on my mind and what not, so that i could guage my progress or lack of progress. see what had changed, or if anything had changed at all.

by the way, i'm getting kinda sleepy.

a couple months back i made a post about a poem that i had been inspired to write. with that rock picture? remember? well i do. anyways, i started writing it during a 3 hour long psychology class session, then left it alone for a couple months, and finally finished it sometime last week. well, i read that poem at MAS. aH, it went real well. i tried reading it again when i got back, and stuttered so much that i was surprised i even got past the first couple paragraphs at the camp without getting stuck. clutch performances, zindabad.

Ya Rabbi, lakal hamdu kama yambaghi lijalali wajhika wa adheemi sultanik.

oh, and i'm still sore.

foremost to myself

assalaamu alaikum

we've all heard the stories of the prophets and heard of their miracles. and we think that surely, if we were present when Musa AS split the red sea or Eesa AS cured the sick and brought dead back to life by Allah's will, we would have no doubt as to who our creator was, and we would be complete and utterly perfect believers. wouldn't it be cool and so strengthening to witness one of those miracles? and so we neglect the greatest miracle of all, namely the Quran, that is right under our noses. and sometimes i think, we are the last nation. but say for instance, IF there was going to be a nation after us, or perhaps on the DOJ when everything is told, those who came before us would probably be dumbfounded as to how we could have neglected such a clear and obvious sign and miracle such as the Quran, the same thing we say and think about them when they killed the cow.

how could they be so stupid?

now although we have a tendency to follow others footsteps, right into the holes they crawl into and get stuck in, some of us claim that we try and learn from others mistakes. well i do, at least. so i have to be careful to not develop an attitude that prides itself on not falling into the same holes that everybody around me, my friends and peers, have fallen into, and continuously and repeatedly fall into. and so i remind myself, that every person has their own test. and where one person has failed, and i have succeeded, does not mean anything. that might have been easy for me and hard for him. and i look at myself now and see a hundred different things that i fail at everyday and others have no problem with.

its like when people say, "i can't marry somebody from back home, because they haven't faced the same struggle as i. they've lived around muslims their whole life, they haven't been exposed to the trials of the west, etc" this always bothers me, because Allah clearly says in the Quran, do you think you will be left alone saying you believe and not be tested? the people before you were tested until their foundations were shaken and they were left saying, when comes the help of Allah? sure, maybe you have been through certain things that other person hasn't, but you can bet your nikes that that person has been through a hundred things you have never experienced also.

the same way, our parents came here and aH, they established the deen. they built masajid, and now schools, and now institutions are being set up everywhere throughout the west. that was their job and their test. we can't just retake their test, because the answers are already on the sheet. we can't just keep on building masjids and schools. its our job to take it another step forward. and we have to figure it out and pass this test on our own. because its YOUR test. and MY test. in the end the judgement is for Allah. he tests whom he loves, but its not my job to figure out whether he loves me or you more.