salaamu alaikum

"pocket qurans are cool but how do you manage to carry it around so taht it doesnt suffer any disrespect? loosely being thrown around, etC? isnt it kinda hard? ive been wanting to bring a quraan with me to school but its semi risky i feel. "

i used to have the same dilemma. how to carry it around without disrespecting it? i was always taught to not even hold the quran like any other book, and hold it up to my chest with my right hand, just for respect. for pocket qurans tho, its all gravy if you got the upper shirt pockets, as long as you dont go in the bathroom n stuff, but i dont always rock shirts with pockets up there. i usually dont actually. so for me, its a matter of necessity. i havent been reviewing lately, at all, and ramadan is less than a week away. i dont put the quran in my bookbag cuz that thing gets thrown around, put on the ground, etc. not in my back pocket cuz id sit on it. i do put it in my regular side pocket, and i try to take as much care of it as possible.

an extreme example is the super glorified, glitterified, shrined Qurans that adorn the top of people's shelves, but theyre never taken down. never read through even once. They just collect dust. i think thats the greatest disrespect. you see a student of quran's Mus'haf, and you can tell how many juz they know. Because half the pages will be in perfect shape, and then when it gets near the end, the pages are ripped, half coming out, SWOLLEN. because these pages are sifted through everyday, all the time. they are read, all the time. the Quran is not just the book, but the words.

WALLAHI, i'm not any more attached to the quran than anybody else. and of all people, I should be. but i'm not. during the time of the sahaba, if you would walk through the streets at nighttime, the houses would be radiating with the recitation of Quran, during tahajjud hours. like the buzzing of bees. i remember a brother gave a small talk on how the sahaba would review their quran. they would have a set amount they would read every NIGHT, and finish every week. this is only how they would review. recitation was their passtime, their hobby. Imam Shafii read the quran like six times in a day JUST to find an ayah that was proof for Qiyas. these people lived the quran. and today, we can barely read a few ayat besides what we read in prayer without feeling tired.

yea, so i kinda went off on a tangent. it wasnt aimed at anybody but me though. i gotta say this stuff sometimes so i can get affected too. but back to the topic, i need this pocket quran to review. i keep it in my pocket, and even though thats not the best place, its better than me not reading at all. especially during ramadan.

ramadan: here comes the challenges i was talking about earlier. i cant refuse challenges. basically, a brother came up to me last night at isha, and told me to finish taraweeh in annapolis early. like the 21st or something. then come back to ISB, and do a late session taraweeh for the cats who are gonna be staying in I'tikaaf. last year, this one brother did that. his taraweeh would be after the main taraweeh ended, starting at like 11:00 and ending around 1 or 2. but he read 5 juz the first night. 3 the second. etc. finished in 10 days.

yall are prolly like why? basically, even though it isnt required, people wanna hear the entire quran during Ramadan. but they also wanna go masjid hopping and hear different ppl. different masajid go at different paces. so if they leave one night to go to a different place, and they come back, they might miss a small portion, because the two jama'ahs might be at different places. so they just wanna finish the quran, so then they can go around and go to any taraweeh they want. something like that. cept this is not gonna be in the beginning, but at the end. so its more for the ppl of i'tikaaf.

but dude asked me to do that. finish in annapolis, then come to ISB and do these late night sessions and finish again in a few days for the brothers in i'tikaaf. they will listen to an entire quran. they wont be up at night gossiping like little girls (it happens). and itll be a form of tahajjud. and itll only help me as well. i was like hey

i'm game.

i gotta talk to my teacher about it today so he can talk to the annapolis ppl and tell them when im finishing n stuff. but about challenges, theyre fun. occasionally, i like pushing myself. (not in school tho, god forbid 0_0) its the priceless feeling of adrenaline as youre scrambling to make ends meet, get ready, be ready, and make it thru, and then relaxing afterwards. the best time of the day during ramadan is RIGHT after you finish witr. like yessss, i actually made it thru THIS juz! its all easy from here. then the next morning youre worried bout that night.

haha, funny how i started this off as a comment to the previous post and it turned into this. i got class in 20 mins. so imma end this off riiiiight here.

walaikum assalaam

EDIT: i just read thru this, and i realize how incoherent this whole thing was. s-m-h.

salaamu alaikum

i was actually gonna come in here and post something real. about challenges that i got presented with today. but i dont feel it right now. it would only be half hearted. ive been staring at this screen for maybe half an hour already. completely lost my appetite for this.

i did get a pocket 15 liner (quran) today. but that wudda been part of the stuff i was going to talk about.

its whatever.

Astaghfirullah. Astaghfirullah. Astaghfirullah.

salaamu alaikum

ahh back from a full day of classes. today was interesting. walking out after my health class was done, some dudes sitting down with a bunch of his homies, sees me and hes like, "Yo's got the bin laden man, i want that!" im walkin past him and look at him like the bin laden? hes like yeah. im like grow it out and itll come son. itll come.

its the best tho when you find out that some of these ppl are muslim cuz when they see you, theyll stop and be like salaamu alaikum. and im like hey, mA. Walaikum assalaam.

greeting a fellow muslim is like a breath of fresh air.

"spread salaam amongst yourselves."

salaamu alaikum

"A man who thinks he can and a man who thinks he can't are both right.

Which one are you son?"

~ somewhere

salaamu alaikum

eating sheermal with coco roos cereal milk and it tastes good. i had my first two tests in health and i think i did pretty good on both, alhamdulillah. and psychology is getting more interesting, and is really easy. philosophy is starting next monday, and ive heard from a number of people that my professor is really easy. its physics thats killing me. first test is tomorrow, thursday. and if i were to take it right now this instant, i would get a big fat 0. yousaf, if i find you at the masjid today, prepare for some chai and biscuits, cuz you're gonna help me out. if i still dont do well, this is the first class ive contemplated dropping for later. and i really might have to. dropping the class has been a very real option for me for another reason too. and thats the fact that im not rushing college anymore, like i had planned before. originally, my plan was to straight overload all my semesters and get an AA by the summer, and then continue on and finish college as soon as possible, maybe another year and a half (this plan had absolutely no motive behind it, really.... >_> )

but now, thats off. not because i lost the interest, or because it was a phase and it burned out and passed over, but because something came knocking at my door. before, students would travel across entire countries on foot or horseback, just to attain a single hadith or ask a question. today we have mountains of knowledge at our finger tips, and easy and quick accessibility to traditional schools overseas, but we don't reach out and take it. myself included. i went to a madrassa, but i didnt go overseas to become an aalim. ive been talked to so many times by so many people, everybody with a different opinion on what i should do. but all of them agree and see this one thing in me, and that is me not living up to my potential and settling for something so much less. and for me, its like, "if only these people knew how incapable and STUPID i really am, they wouldn't bother me."

to not get into a rant, lets just say ive wasted a couple of years, which goes back to the reason why i wanted to overload and finish up college in 2 some years. but now ive got an oppurtunity. ISB is starting a full time aalim program at Al-Rahmah, taught by qualified teachers, the same syllabus used in South Africa, with the certificate/degree and everything. it started off with the hifdh school, and now its this. how far away do i live from ISB? about 30 seconds if i walk BACKWARDS. if i decided to let this oppurtunity pass me by, i would not just be guilty of not reaching out and grabbing this blessing Allah is bestowing upon the community, but it would almost be as if i were running away from it. My teacher always taught me to make this duah: Ya Allah, accept me for Your deen.

can i handle it? im pumped already. cant wait for the semester to be over.

YA ALLAH, PLEASE MAKE ME AMONG THOSE WHOM YOU CHOOSE TO LEARN THIS DEEN AND IMPLEMENT IT IN THEIR EVERYDAY LIVES...

Ameen!

salaamu alaikum

im back home, watching the ravens vs. colts game. theyre losing, and its annoying. boller just got hurt, and wright is doing his thing, boutta get us a touchdown iA. anyways, im sore as i dunno what. went to the mas-camp and played a good game of football. i matched up against hasan, and we were basically schooling each other all game long. being sore is a good feeling tho, i think. because you know that you're muscles broke down, and they're going to rebuild stronger. so it hurts, but its a good pain.

i performed at the camp. and it went well. i wasnt sure i was gonna make it back on time. because on saturday, i was booked at ISB to recite for the fundraiser, and they had asked me like 4 months ago, so there was absolutely no way i could cancel, and if i was gonna cancel anything, it would have been going to the camp. so i left early, got to ISB on time. chilled, ate, prayed Maghrib, recited, and then dipped and went back to the camp. i got there just in time for the entertainment session, where hasan and them did our little skit from MIST 03. meanwhile, i was finishing up my poem. i got up there and performed, and it went good. i started, and all of sudden i had all this energy in my voice. i might have been going too fast, i dunno, but i definitely had the flow down. also, i went and edited the entry where I posted the poem and made it the version that I recited at the camp.

(NEWS: STOVER JUST MISSED HIS THIRD FIELD GOAL OF THE GAME. 16 YEAR VETERAN MY FOOT!)

=====================

(paraphrased from the after fajr/dhuhr (bad memory) khatirah)

Imam Ahmed ibn Hanbal was sitting in a gathering with his students and a man came up to him and complained that they were not getting any rain, and the drought was severely trying the people. Imam Ahmed said, "istaghfirillah", Seek forgiveness from Allah. The man left.

Another man came up, and compained how he was very poor. Imam Ahmed said, "istaghfirillah", Seek forgiveness from Allah. The man left.

Another man came up, and said that his wife was barren and could not have children. Imam Ahmed said, "istaghfirillah", Seek forgiveness from Allah. And the man left. One of the students in the gathering who was listening to all this got up and asked the Imam, all three of these people came up to you asking you different questions. And for each you said, Make istighfaar? Don't you have anything else?

And so Imam Ahmed recited these verses:

فَقُلْتُ اسْتَغْفِرُوا رَبَّكُمْ إِنَّهُ كَانَ غَفَّارًا

"I said (to them): 'Ask forgiveness from your Lord; Verily, He is Oft-Forgiving;

يُرْسِلِ السَّمَاء عَلَيْكُم مِّدْرَارًا

'He will send rain to you in abundance;

وَيُمْدِدْكُمْ بِأَمْوَالٍوَبَنِينَ وَيَجْعَل لَّكُمْ جَنَّاتٍ وَيَجْعَل لَّكُمْ أَنْهَارًا

'And give you increase in wealth and children, and bestow on you gardens and bestow on you rivers.' "

Simply by seeking forgiveness from Allah, something the Prophet SAW used to do at LEAST 100 times a day, Allah promises all this.

May Allah make us among those who keep their tongues wet with the rememberence of Him. Ameen.

salaamu alaikum

so much. but for now, im trying to finish up a poem that I have to perform tomorrow at the mas-camp. i dont know why i said yes to this, but now its late night, and I have yet to finish up my poem....and it seems to keep getting longer and longer, and it doesn't want to finish. or i dont know how to finish.

here it is so far:

the mind is a terrible thing to waste
but most wait and waste their time
in supposed liesure, while we find
that most minds, and these minds both
continue to wither and die
spiritually, if not at the intellectual level
hearts like metal, only brief envy
for hearts that bubble, at the briefest,
slightest mention of their Lord
just a thin sheer sheet of silk wrapped around steel
one verse, and they're already bored
and whats worse, than a hard heart
that curses its own roots
that yearn for these divine verses
but he pines to break loose
and he dies, trynna sever ties
that cannot be severed
bonds that cannot be broken
lineage that cannot be better
because in the end
we all came from the same person
we from the same place
the same hood
so then why is it, that when the hood's real low
the fitted cap fit, fit to the absolute lowest
and your eyes won't show
without you having to lean back real slow
and it might hurt you so
because my back might break my pride
when I lean down to prostrate to the Divine
and when I say salaams to my brother
why does it gotta be with the thug mug
and the sweeping eyes
or from afar, the gaze of Hasad, the icy stares
break ice with more ice, now its only icy care
only numbs the pain, and you have yet to realize
see me through real eyes
because I'm just you're brother
bonds of blood
just a different father and mother
but my arrogance, refusal to see my sins
suck it up, give in, and give greetings to kin
its not hard
just impossible for the same reason
that it seems not possible
to wake up for a single prayer on time
but pray late, no sleep, cuz we were stuck online
the night before
missed congregation Salaat
so for this we vaguely hate ourselves for,
but the effort is too great
so we grate and grind our teeth for the next time
and we eat, sleep, live, and forget our meaning for being,
our meeting with the Benevolent Being
the next morning we do the same
shed no tears but show a little shame
with a sham of a frown made possible
by the tear in my gown or the brown stain
on my jeans, while we look in the mirror
and shave and shape up my pretty little name
for some street fame
and i play this like a trivial video game
and I say I'm sincere?
I got heart right?
i just gotta do my share and my part right?
but i like it, why? because I get to fight
and I get to tell my brothers the wrong from the right
I grew up on a playground, so I can throw some fists
and speech is easy, i've taken classes for this
so with hands and words, i fight this evil
and with my hands and words, i abuse the people
no i fight the people
but do i fight myself?
now thats an odd thing
for that I can procrastinate and wait for the last possible date
as long as my chest got breath and my soul got flesh, I'm straight
so I can come back to myself
cuz thats an easy win
for now its these heathens
and theyre lack of fear
i got so many questions for 'em, it'd take a couple of years
for for now, heres one, for right now and right here
why is the applause always louder than the takbeers?

* * * * * * *

.... im in trouble man. tomorrow after fajr, inshaAllah.