salaamu alaikum

eating sheermal with coco roos cereal milk and it tastes good. i had my first two tests in health and i think i did pretty good on both, alhamdulillah. and psychology is getting more interesting, and is really easy. philosophy is starting next monday, and ive heard from a number of people that my professor is really easy. its physics thats killing me. first test is tomorrow, thursday. and if i were to take it right now this instant, i would get a big fat 0. yousaf, if i find you at the masjid today, prepare for some chai and biscuits, cuz you're gonna help me out. if i still dont do well, this is the first class ive contemplated dropping for later. and i really might have to. dropping the class has been a very real option for me for another reason too. and thats the fact that im not rushing college anymore, like i had planned before. originally, my plan was to straight overload all my semesters and get an AA by the summer, and then continue on and finish college as soon as possible, maybe another year and a half (this plan had absolutely no motive behind it, really.... >_> )

but now, thats off. not because i lost the interest, or because it was a phase and it burned out and passed over, but because something came knocking at my door. before, students would travel across entire countries on foot or horseback, just to attain a single hadith or ask a question. today we have mountains of knowledge at our finger tips, and easy and quick accessibility to traditional schools overseas, but we don't reach out and take it. myself included. i went to a madrassa, but i didnt go overseas to become an aalim. ive been talked to so many times by so many people, everybody with a different opinion on what i should do. but all of them agree and see this one thing in me, and that is me not living up to my potential and settling for something so much less. and for me, its like, "if only these people knew how incapable and STUPID i really am, they wouldn't bother me."

to not get into a rant, lets just say ive wasted a couple of years, which goes back to the reason why i wanted to overload and finish up college in 2 some years. but now ive got an oppurtunity. ISB is starting a full time aalim program at Al-Rahmah, taught by qualified teachers, the same syllabus used in South Africa, with the certificate/degree and everything. it started off with the hifdh school, and now its this. how far away do i live from ISB? about 30 seconds if i walk BACKWARDS. if i decided to let this oppurtunity pass me by, i would not just be guilty of not reaching out and grabbing this blessing Allah is bestowing upon the community, but it would almost be as if i were running away from it. My teacher always taught me to make this duah: Ya Allah, accept me for Your deen.

can i handle it? im pumped already. cant wait for the semester to be over.

YA ALLAH, PLEASE MAKE ME AMONG THOSE WHOM YOU CHOOSE TO LEARN THIS DEEN AND IMPLEMENT IT IN THEIR EVERYDAY LIVES...

Ameen!