aha...dang homie

salaamu alaikum

back from the MIST party, aH, which is always good times. this was the first time during this "spring break" that i've actually went somewhere, and it was definitely a blast of fresh air. the thing is i feel so unproductive when i am at home. and when i started thinking about it and tried to figure out why, i came to the following conclusions (theories):

1. i don't really feel like my day has "started" for REAL until i've showered up and changed clothes and all that jazz. when i'm at home, i just sit around all day long, eat cereal, and sleep. do i ever leave the house? of course. five times a day at LEAST, which brings me to the next point.

2. i live 15.4 seconds away from the masjid. i sleepwalk to fajr, sleepwalk back, and hit the sack again. days that i'm off or when this is possible, ill waste time at home doing nothing until dhuhr, and ill still go the masjid without actually "starting my day". i could go the entire day like this, cuz the masjid is my backyard.

which really makes me wish that we lived a little further away. another reason is that living this close to the masjid has spoiled me. one of my boys would ask how its possible for me to be late to prayer, miss a rakah etc. he understood once he moved into the house next to mine. of course there are so many benefits of living so close to the masjid, but i can't help but wonder or hope that if i lived a little farther away, i would be so tortured by boredom that i would have to get out and come to the masjid, which would then not actually be my backyard, but me coming out to the community. it would make me a lot less lazy and teach me how to manage my time.

3. i am procrastinator extraordinaire. and my house has a lot to do with that. i cannot do a lick of work inside of the home. i can come home from college with a weeks worth of assignments to do or catch up on, and really have an intention to start on it, but once i step in the house, i see the sofa in the living room or the nice empty floor next to the computer, and oh wait, the COMPUTER. so you guys are prolly like "computer? i can understand that...but the sofa or FLOOR?" very simply put: i sleep there. all my room is to me is where i change my clothes, and maybe hit the bench when i'm feeling lucky. i sleep downstairs either on the sofa, or on the floor. therefore, when i am at home, i cannot study. its either sit on the comp, or feel very sleepy and just lie down.

4. i don't know what four is. maybe its because i'm not even going to a real college. CCBC is just 13th grade. which is why i need to transfer as soon as possible, which i cudda done a semester ago, but chose not to for who knows what reason.

this semester started as a fully loaded killer for me. next thing i know, the darul uloom classes became less structured/scheduled and more "sheikh says come at this time tomorrow...ok." and i found out i didn't need my anatomy&phys class, resulting in me dropping it, and all of a sudden, i have so much free time, and i am so unproductive its not even funny. and whats really sad is that i'm still near failing math when i could be smashing it. (see all of the above post)

so, let me end with an intention and the crux of worship: duah.

Ya Allah, make us from those who You take Your work from. Accept us for this deen.

Ya Allah, purify my intentions and help me act when action is needed, and restrain when restraint is needed. Take away my laziness and make easy for me my endeavors.

Ameen.